tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
even my farts smell like vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
