i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
