Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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