wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize