oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
