That's when you crack a 10am beer
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
