i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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