Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
