if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Randomize
