I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize