I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
