Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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