He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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