I am puke
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
