I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
