It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize