I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
