I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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