First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
