hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
