Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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