So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
