somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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