Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
