he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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