He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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