My hand turned me down
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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