If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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