i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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