All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
