If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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