weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
