God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
smell my finger.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
