i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
