before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
