At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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