i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize