ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
