My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
