You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
