I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
