I'm going to jail i love you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
