Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
