he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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