well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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