That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
