I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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