I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
