Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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