did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
4 words: hood of his car
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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