when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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