People in love make me want to vomit
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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