Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Randomize
