I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize