i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
