I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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