It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
