I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
