Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think people are normalizing furries
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
