Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
