420 ftw
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize