your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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