went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize