Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
