the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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