my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
