I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
