I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
