Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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