Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
