I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
