Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
The power of my boobs compel you
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
how does that bad decision feel?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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