i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
