I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize